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“My husband just asked me the same thing. In the immortal words of Robert Plant, I’m afraid the answer is, ‘nobody’s fault but mine.’”
“Actually,” I said, “those words came from Blind Willie Johnson. He wrote Nobody’s Fault but Mine almost a hundred years ago. Led Zeppelin “borrowed” it in 1976 and put it on an album called Presence. You can listen to Blind Willie’s version on You Tube. I'm not sure which is better.”
“I’ll be sure to work it into my holiday playlist,” said Carol, glancing at her watch. “Now what can I do for you?”
“You’ve already done it. I just wanted to tell you how I’m going to spend your money.”
“I already know how you’re going to spend it,” she said. “You’re going to give it to qualified applicants who want to learn a skilled trade. Hopefully, the electric trade. My company could hire fifty electricians right now, and fifty more in Q2. We just can’t find them.”
“I know,” I said. “I hear the same thing every day. Our goal is to award $10 million in trade school scholarships next year, and your donation has got us off to a terrific start.”
“Happy to help,” said Carol. “And by the way, my kids and I loved Dirtiest Jobs. Do you think you’ll do more?”
“Not unless it’s animated,” I said. “I don’t bend as easily as I used to.”
Carol laughed. “I feel your pain,” she said. “Anything else?”
“Well, at the risk of correcting you twice in one call, the show was called Dirty Jobs, not Dirtiest Jobs.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure,” I said. “I did 350 of them.”
“That’s so strange,” she said. “I could have sworn it was Dirtiest Jobs.”
“It’s a common mistake,” I said. “TV has trained us to expect the extreme version of whatever it is we’re watching. It’s not ‘Home Makeover,’ it’s “EXTREME Home Makeover.’ It’s not America’s FUNNY Home Videos; it’s America’s FUNNIEST home videos. It’s not ‘Deadly Catch,’ it’s ‘DEADLIEST Catch.’ See what I mean? Everything is always oversold.”
“But don’t you narrate ‘Deadliest Catch,’” Carol asked.
“For the last 22 years," I said. But I didn’t name that show. If I did, I would have called it Deadly Catch. Not as sensational, but more honest. It goes to managing expectations.”
“Ok,” said Carol, "but tell me this. If Dirty Jobs had been called “Dirtiest Jobs,” and there was only one-episode, which jobs would you put on it?”
“Aren’t you late for a board meeting?” I asked.
“They can start without me,” she said.
I proceeded to tell Carol, in great detail, about my top three dirtiest jobs, and was deeply flattered to see her spit out a mouthful of coffee during my explanation of castrating sheep with my teeth. I was equally delighted when she guffawed during my description of semen-gathering from a prized bull, and very pleased when she gagged during my recollection of dogpaddling through several tons of diarrhea while replacing a ruptured lift pump in a wastewater treatment plant.
When we finally hung up, Carol was a half-hour late for her board meeting, which I took as a personal victory. When she invited me to stay in touch, I assured her that I would. And the next morning, as I sat by the Christmas tree sipping eggnog, counting my blessings, and listening to Blind Willie Johnson sing Nobody’s Fault But Mine, I couldn’t help but wonder if Carol was doing the same. I like to think she was.
Mike
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